Ode To A Census Taker

Submitted by HOST GFS LynnB@aol.com

Some Census feller came today
It makes a body scoff
T'see how gullible he was
'Fore Lukey runned him off!
He wuz askin' 'bout the Williamses
Who live in Turkey Holler
So Pap got out the moonshine jug
And we all had a swaller.
Now, don't ask where that likker's from
Cause we'd never tell it ture!
That Census is from the government.
That Internal Revenoo!
So Pap set down and spun a yarn
Pretty as you please
All about them Williamses
With younguns thick as fleas!
There's Nathaniel Moses Williams
Or mebbe Mose Nathaniel
It don't matter none to us,
We always call him Cal.
We didn't tell about the still
That Cal keeps in the sticks
And we just snickered to ourselves
To beat those Census tricks!
Ole Missus Williams follers next
I think her name was Nancy
But Pap just called her Emmaline
Cause he thought it sounded fancy.
He shaved ten years off'n her age
(She's older'n Cal by three)
And didn't name her firstborned son
Cause he died in Tennessee.
Well that Census feller kep askin' stuff.
Pap kep thet jug a tippin'
The kinfolks grinnin' like raccoons
Thet Census guy kep sippin!
Well, Jimmy, Joe and Johnnie
Got mixed around a mite.
But they're from Cal's first family
And his first wife, Sairy White.
Ole Missus had two daughters
By Caleb Mackelroy
Which Pa misspelled Markley
And I think there was a boy.
Mollie Ann and Sukey
Got named as Cal's own kin
But they's cousins from Ohio
Ole Missus took 'em in.
Well, time thet jug was emptied
That Census man was skunked.
We left him in the wheelbar'l
Likkered up and drunk!
Just for jakes we filled his list
With all of our own kin
But swapped 'em all around the place
It'd make a possum grin!
We listed Grandpap as our son
Brother Seth and me as married
And won't young Lukey have a laugh
When we tell him he's dead and buried!
Cousin Sam's is my firstborned gal
And Mary's now a feller!
We made up several younguns more,
All livin' in the cellar.
When he come to, that pore old guy
Just staggered off fer town
His head all full of nonsense
An' him near fallin down!
Nobody reads them Census things
It's hogwash, simplepure!
But us hillfolk's laughin' fit to bust-
We done FOXED that Revenooer!

© 2001 GFNEWS, a monthly publication of the Golden Gate Genealogy Forum, Inc. of Franklin, MA.
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