Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
and some days you're the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look
good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that
can be recalled by their maker.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing
worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
If you can't be kind, at least have the
decency to be vague.
If you lend someone $20, and never see
that person again, it was probably worth it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life
is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the
same time, because then you don't
have a leg to stand on.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird,
so sleep late.
When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you; the more
you have, the longer you live.
Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier than the people
who have to wait for them?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't
more people happy?
Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty, some
are dull, some have weird names, and
all are different colors but they all
have to learn to live in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who can
enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.
